Sappy McSappster

Do you ever just wake up thinking about someone? For no reason at all? I do. More often than I'd like to admit. It sucks. I'm not a very religious man and I don't pray too often, but when I do I pray that I could forget. I'm not sure what it is that I miss? Her? Maybe just her company, her mere presence? I wish I had all the answers, I'd settle for even half. I would have never guessed that I would still be waking up feeling the way I do some mornings. I mean, I'm okay with the fact I'm alone. I get that. I will never understand how I was treated or why, but I'm okay with that also. I am not okay with my friends telling me that no matter what "they always come back." I know her. I know her well, I know she is not coming back. I think I'm just lonely, and for once in my life I'm admitting it. I love my alone time don't get me wrong, but I think I'm just better off with someone. I feel like i'm a better person with her, or someone else for that matter. I'm not complaining, or pouting, all is fair in love and war, I now know that. I'm just venting more than anything I guess. So what, I miss my Ex some days. That's normal. I'm just wondering when that will disappear. When I can look through my DVD binder and read a movie title that was made pre 1980 and not think of her, you know? I could really do without that. Her and I are great friends. We enjoy each others company. I think I feel like our friendship is stronger than it really is sometimes. Maybe I tell her too much. Maybe I'm just looking for that next step, like it was the first time. Who knows. Bottom line is people move on. I am moving on, just not all the way yet. Time heals all wounds, this has proved to be true I've found. It's funny to think how her and I have come so far individually from who we were when we first met. I wonder what she saw in me then? Perhaps when she lost sight? What if we just met for the first time now, as we are now? All 'what ifs' aside that is not going to happen. This has made me a much stronger person, as I've never been through anything like it in my life. I feel for once, like my life has a little direction. I feel like I've made some big steps in the last 2-4 months. I can only hope that it continues to get better. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll wake up and nothing will be on my mind. Wake up with a clear head. I can only wait and see.

PS. Internet tomorrow. The downloading BEGINS! I have about a week worth of TV to catch up on. Busy man. Nothing has changed....